1
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:10,840
Aw, I always tear up when
the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.

2
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,342
Tears seem appropriate.

3
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,676
Enlargement of the heart muscle,
or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy...

4
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:19,376
...is a serious disease, which could lead
to congestive heart failure.

5
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:22,683
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

6
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:26,188
- You really didn't like it, Sheldon?
- No, on the contrary.

7
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:31,024
I found the Grinch to be a relatable,
engaging character.

8
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:35,032
I was really with him up to the point that
he succumbed to social convention...

9
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:38,399
...and returned the presents
and saved Christmas.

10
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:41,273
What a buzzkill that was.

11
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,372
<i>When we watch Frosty the Snowman,
he roots for the sun.</i>

12
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,778
Excuse me, but the sun is essential
for all life on Earth.

13
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:54,387
Frosty is merely a bit of frozen
supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat.

14
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,691
A crime, by the way, for which
he is never brought to account.

15
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:02,451
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

16
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:32,988
I just love decorating the Christmas tree,
it makes me feel like a little girl again.

17
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,319
We didn't have a tree
when I was growing up.

18
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:38,259
- Really? Why not?
- Mm, in my family...

19
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:42,266
...holidays weren't so much celebrated,
as studied for their anthropological...

20
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,836
...and psychological implications
on human society.

21
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,502
Oh, sounds festive.
Did you at least give presents?

22
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:52,304
Hm, in a way. We presented papers.

23
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:57,007
And then broke off into focus groups
and critiqued each other.

24
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,446
Sheldon, what about you?
Did you have a tree?

25
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:03,021
Oh, yes.

26
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,281
We had a tree, we had a manger...

27
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:09,520
...we had an inflatable Santa Claus
with plastic reindeer on the front lawn.

28
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,827
To make things more jolly, there were
so many blinking lights on the house...

29
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,162
...they induced
neighborhood-wide seizures.

30
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,034
I take it you don't wanna
help us trim the tree?

31
00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:25,211
I do not. But if you insist on decorating
a spider-infested fire hazard in my home...

32
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,870
...I would request
that you that add this.

33
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,037
What is it?

34
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:34,681
You're kidding, right?
It's a bust of Sir Isaac Newton.

35
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,221
Oh, sure, sure.
Yeah, very Christmassy.

36
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:42,726
Excuse me, it's much more Christmassy
than anything you've put on the tree.

37
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,830
Here we go.

38
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:49,833
December 25th, 1642, Julian calendar,
Sir Isaac Newton is born.

39
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,733
Jesus, on the other hand,
was actually born in the summer.

40
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:56,398
His birthday was moved to coincide
with the traditional pagan holiday...

41
00:02:56,576 --> 00:03:00,342
...that celebrated the winter solstice
with lit fires and slaughtered goats.

42
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,379
Which, frankly, sounds like more fun...

43
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:05,814
...than 12 hours of church
with my mother followed by a fruitcake.

44
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,680
Merry Newtonmas, everyone.

45
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,757
I sense that's not sincere,
although I have no idea why.

46
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,918
No, it's fine. Sir Isaac can go
next to this candy cane.

47
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,758
No, Isaac goes at the top of the tree.

48
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,560
- No, he doesn't.
- I understand.

49
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,533
You dispute Newton's claim
that he invented calculus...

50
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,697
...and you want
to put Gottfried Leibniz on the top.

51
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,274
Yeah, you got me. I'm a Leibniz man.

52
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:34,244
Perhaps when your mother gets here,
she'll talk some sense into you.

53
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:37,212
- What? Your mother's coming? When?
- Tomorrow.

54
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,215
When were you gonna tell me?

55
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,384
Oh. Tomorrow?

56
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:43,953
Why were you keeping this a secret?

57
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:46,888
- Well, I just... I thought...
- If I could interject here.

58
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:51,258
Obviously, Leonard is concerned that his
mother won't approve of you as his mate.

59
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:55,731
Wh...? Why wouldn't she approve of me?
I'm adorable.

60
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,770
- Yeah, you are. It's just my moth...
- If I could interject again.

61
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,307
Leonard comes from a remarkably
high-achieving family...

62
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,775
...who have all chosen
high-achieving partners.

63
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:09,939
He probably feels that it's doubtful that
his mother will be overly impressed...

64
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:13,143
...with his dating a woman
whose most significant achievement...

65
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,980
...is memorizing
the Cheesecake Factory menu.

66
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,118
Hey, it's a big menu.

67
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,650
There's two pages just for desserts.

68
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,763
I know. And those specials,
they change every day.

69
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:28,324
Okay, it's lame when I say it,
it's ridiculous when you pile on.

70
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,595
Okay. Sorry.

71
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,296
What did she say
when you told her we were going out?

72
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:34,804
Um...

73
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,640
You didn't tell her we were going out,
did you?

74
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,301
Um...

75
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:42,346
- Why not?
- Um...

76
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,347
Leonard,
I'm no expert on meditation...

77
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:48,113
...but if you're trying to calm yourself
down, I believe the word is "om."

78
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:54,660
It was so nice of you
to come to the airport to pick me up.

79
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,295
No trouble at all.

80
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,863
I drove, Mother.

81
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,493
I'm driving now.

82
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:02,999
Yes, dear. Mommy's proud.

83
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:08,702
Thank you for your notes on my paper
disproving quantum-brain-dynamic theory.

84
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:09,966
My pleasure.

85
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,203
You know, for a non-physicist,
you have a remarkable grasp...

86
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,313
...of how electric dipoles
in the brain's water molecules...

87
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,644
...could not possibly form
a Bose condensate.

88
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:23,045
Wait, wait, wait. When did you
send my mom notes on a paper?

89
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:27,057
August 16th.
Right after her carpal-tunnel surgery.

90
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,154
- Did I thank you for the flowers?
- You did.

91
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,556
- I don't really like flowers.
- Neither do I.

92
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:35,997
- But it's the social convention.
- It is, isn't it?

93
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,000
Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?

94
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,833
- Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers.
- No, I heard that.

95
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,840
Then what was all that
"wait, wait, wait" about?

96
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:48,337
I just don't understand why
he knows more about your life than I do.

97
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:52,246
Because Sheldon and I stay in touch
due to mutual interest and respect...

98
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:56,082
...while you avoid me
due to unresolved childhood issues.

99
00:05:56,590 --> 00:06:00,185
It's what we think caused
your narcissistic-personality disorder.

100
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,194
We discussed it at length
during our last video chat.

101
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,231
Although how we got
onto the subject of you is baffling.

102
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,234
Yes, but we are on the subject,
so I'm obliged to ask.

103
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,770
Leonard, how are you?

104
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:17,572
- Fine, Mom. How are you?
- Menopausal.

105
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:20,773
Now I'm less fine.

106
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,612
- Have you heard your brother's engaged?
- No.

107
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,718
Sheldon, why didn't you tell me?

108
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:31,051
My bad.
I did send a gift from both of us.

109
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,751
She's a remarkable girl. The youngest
appeals-court judge in New Jersey...

110
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,920
...and a two-time
Olympic bronze medalist.

111
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,393
You must be very happy.

112
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,124
Why? I'm not marrying her.

113
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:45,737
So how about you?
Are you seeing anyone interesting?

114
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,931
Well, I'm not sure
about interesting, but...

115
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,906
- Not the time, Sheldon.
- Very well.

116
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:55,639
Shall we switch topics
to Isaac Newton v. Gottfried Leibniz?

117
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:57,146
It's all right, Sheldon.

118
00:06:57,317 --> 00:07:00,582
I will just pretend that Leonard's
not withholding information.

119
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:04,646
Although, I will point out, Leonard,
that I am a trained psychiatrist...

120
00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:07,816
...and you are exhibiting
the same secretive behavioral tics...

121
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:10,325
...that accompanied
your learning to masturbate.

122
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,160
Isn't she brilliant, Leonard?

123
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,998
How I envy you.

124
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:23,666
So, Howard, have you and Rajesh
finally summoned the courage...

125
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:27,939
...to express your latent
homosexual feelings towards one another?

126
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,346
What? No.

127
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:34,780
Why not?

128
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:40,190
Because we don't have latent
homosexual feelings toward one another.

129
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,189
I see.

130
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:47,292
- No, really. I have a girlfriend now.
- And where is she this evening?

131
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,465
She had to go out of town,
her grandmother died.

132
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,601
I see.

133
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,963
"Her grandmother died."

134
00:07:56,509 --> 00:08:00,206
Honest to God. Ahem.
Leonard, tell her I have a girlfriend.

135
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,314
I don't know
what you're talking about.

136
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:05,677
What do you mean, you don't know
what I'm talking about?

137
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:08,218
- Tell her I have a girlfriend.
- All right.

138
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,553
He "has" a "girlfriend."

139
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,383
Her name is Bernadette.

140
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:16,527
She's a waitress, but going to school
to be a microbiologist.

141
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:19,221
The more passionately
you stick to this construct...

142
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,890
...the more you're hurting
your partner.

143
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:29,240
Do you really think your lips in my ear
is helping?

144
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,341
- Hi. Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, glad you're here.

145
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,174
Sit down, I'll get you a plate.
Mom, you remember Penny?

146
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:40,513
Oh, yes, the waitress/actress
with the unresolved father issues.

147
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:44,748
Has he finally come to terms
with his little slugger growing breasts?

148
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:48,087
Well, he sent me a football
and a catcher's mitt for Christmas...

149
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,161
...so I'm gonna say no.

150
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:54,195
If it helps,
we're all good with your breasts.

151
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,199
Classic overcompensation.

152
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:03,267
Oh, speaking of fathers, Leonard,
that reminds me. I'm divorcing yours.

153
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,878
- What?
- Yes. He was cheating on me.

154
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,071
- No.
- Yes.

155
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,614
With some waitress
from the university cafeteria.

156
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:14,220
Can you believe it? A waitress.

157
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:15,778
Oh, no offense, dear.

158
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:19,224
No, it sounded like a compliment.

159
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,058
- When did this happen?
- Well, let's see.

160
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,720
Sheldon, when did I
leave Leonard's father?

161
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,127
September 22nd.

162
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,632
Right,
the weekend after Leonard's dog died.

163
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,964
Mitzy's dead?

164
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:38,070
She was old and blind, Leonard.
What choice did we have?

165
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,804
I don't believe this.
Why am I the last to know?

166
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,107
Excuse me,
I am the one getting a divorce...

167
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:46,650
...Mitzy is the one who is dead,
why are you the one making a fuss?

168
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,954
You're right. I'm sorry.

169
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,955
I'm way out of line.

170
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,253
Penny, what's new in your life?

171
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,991
Nothing. Not a damn thing.

172
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,332
Thank you for driving me
back to my hotel.

173
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:09,907
Oh, it's not a problem.

174
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:13,944
I was going to ask Leonard to do it, but
he seemed a bit emotionally unstable...

175
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:17,641
...and you don't want someone like that
operating heavy machinery.

176
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,580
No, you do not.

177
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:22,016
Your "check engine" light is on.

178
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,848
Yeah, I gotta put a sticker over that.

179
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:31,662
So you must be devastated
about your divorce.

180
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:35,494
Oh, not at all. But I am a bit distressed
to be in a vehicle...

181
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:38,831
...that's not subjected
to regular maintenance.

182
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:42,463
Come on, I mean, you're not upset
that your marriage is over?

183
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:46,840
Well, initially I felt something akin
to grief and perhaps anger...

184
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:50,210
...but that's the natural reaction
of the limbic system...

185
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,147
...to being betrayed
by a loathsome son of a bitch.

186
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,812
- Sure. Sure.
- Thankfully, my shock was mitigated...

187
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,517
...by the fact that I haven't had
intercourse with him in eight years.

188
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,127
- Eight years?
- Oh, that's nothing.

189
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:07,733
I've been responsible
for my own orgasms since 1982.

190
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,663
Yikes.

191
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:15,233
Wha...? What's so funny?

192
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:19,310
That's exactly what I say
during orgasms: Yikes.

193
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,577
I could use a drink.
You wanna stop for a drink?

194
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:25,377
- Oh, I don't drink.
- I do. I'll teach you.

195
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,589
Leonard? Leonard? Leonard?

196
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,724
What is it?

197
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:36,852
I made tea.

198
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,359
I don't want tea.

199
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,263
I didn't make tea for you.

200
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,101
This is my tea.

201
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,498
Then why are you telling me?

202
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,103
It's a conversation starter.

203
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,346
That's a lousy conversation starter.

204
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:57,381
Oh, is it? We're conversing.
Checkmate.

205
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,946
What do you want, Sheldon?

206
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,883
<i>What I want is to be departing
the starship Enterprise...</i>

207
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,048
...in a one-man shuttlecraft
headed to the planetoid I rule...

208
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,126
...known as Sheldon Alpha Five.

209
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:10,626
Mm, I want that too.

210
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:13,129
Why are you here?

211
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,067
To comfort you, of course.

212
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:22,371
No, that's not going to work at all.
I'll comfort you from over here.

213
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:31,372
Leonard, what you're experiencing
is a classic Jungian crisis...

214
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:34,577
...in which the aging individual
mourns the loss...

215
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,882
...of the never-to-be-realized
ideal family unit.

216
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:41,558
- Thank you, that's very comforting.
- That's not the comforting part.

217
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,430
- It's not?
- No. No, the comforting part...

218
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:50,558
...is that the Germans have a term
for what you're feeling, "Weltschmerz."

219
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:55,506
It means the depression that arises
from comparing the world as it is...

220
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:59,111
...to a hypothetical idealized world.

221
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,743
You're right, I do feel better.

222
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:05,577
Yeah, the Germans have always been
a comforting people.

223
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:12,520
Just remember, Leonard, where
your biological family has failed you...

224
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,855
...you always have me,
your surrogate family.

225
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,993
You're my surrogate family?

226
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,258
If it's any consolation,
I'm not happy about it either. Good night.

227
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:31,704
Okay, now this time,
try drinking it all at once.

228
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,175
Ah.

229
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,814
Yikes.

230
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:49,891
I've been responsible
for my own buzz since 2003.

231
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:53,991
Another round for me
and my homegirl.

232
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:58,737
I feel a spreading warmth
through my extremities.

233
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,466
As long as you don't feel it
running down your pants, you're fine.

234
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,485
That is fascinating.

235
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:17,511
I'm noticing an immediate
lowering of my inhibitions.

236
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:21,916
For example, I'm seriously considering
asking that busboy...

237
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:26,498
...to ravish me in the alleyway
while I eat cheesecake.

238
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,194
What do you think?

239
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,998
Well, we are known
for our cheesecake.

240
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:36,668
- Hit us again.
- Yes.

241
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:40,404
- If a little is good, more must be better.
- Ha, ha.

242
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,175
- Hey, Bev, guess what?
- What?

243
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,180
I'm sleeping with your son.

244
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:47,216
Really?

245
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,282
Which one?

246
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:55,754
The one from whom
I live across the hall from.

247
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:59,864
Oh, well, that's convenient.
How did his penis turn out?

248
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,900
Oh, Beverly, I can't talk to
my boyfriend's mother about his penis.

249
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,129
Oh, fair enough.

250
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:10,639
What can you tell me, if anything,
about that busboy's penis?

251
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,315
Actually, I've only had the cheesecake.

252
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,244
One more time.

253
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:23,751
You know, Leonard did not wanna
tell you we were dating.

254
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:28,151
Really? That means he's either
embarrassed by the relationship...

255
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:31,819
...or he doesn't care enough
about his mother to tell her he's in one.

256
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,964
Either way,
one of us should be insulted.

257
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:40,400
- Well, let's go find out who.
- You go get a taxi.

258
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:44,771
I'm gonna slip my business card
into that busboy's back pocket...

259
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:49,244
...cupping his firm right buttock
as I do so.

260
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:56,318
- Leonard?
- Sonny boy.

261
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,788
Get out here!
Your mommy wants to talk to you!

262
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,459
What the hell is going on?

263
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,459
<i>You're In trouble.</i>

264
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:10,591
Why didn't you tell me
you were tapping my homegirl?

265
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,134
- Did I say that right?
- Yeah. Not bad, not bad.

266
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,874
Are you guys drunk?

267
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:26,508
Well, I hope so. Otherwise, why would
we have stopped at Del Taco?

268
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,950
Now, how could you not tell me
you were in a relationship...

269
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,387
...with this lovely,
charming young woman?

270
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,356
- Heh, heh. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

271
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:40,898
Is it because she's uneducated,
trapped in a menial service position?

272
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:44,059
What the hell happened
to lovely and charming?

273
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:47,900
How come you didn't tell me that you
and Father were getting a divorce?

274
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,167
How come you didn't tell me
you had surgery?

275
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,402
How come you didn't tell me
my dog died?

276
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,678
What I hear you saying...

277
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:01,816
...is that you want a more intimate
mother-son relationship.

278
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,916
I do.

279
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:17,202
There. It's late. Now, go to bed.

280
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:32,779
I'm getting a warm feeling
spreading through my heart.

281
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,680
That's the Del Taco.

282
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:45,396
Why is Leonard softly banging his head
against his bedroom door?

283
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,632
Speaking of warm feelings...

284
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,792
Come here.

285
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,545
No, I'd rather have the busboy.

286
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:12,113
Thank you for taking me to the airport.

287
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,282
You're very welcome.

288
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:17,929
Once again, I'm driving.
I'm right here.

289
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,292
Please, I am very hung-over...

290
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:23,764
...and in no mood
to satisfy your need for approval.

291
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:29,306
Sheldon, I do hope you forgive me
for my inappropriate behavior last night.

292
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:30,634
I don't blame you.

293
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,142
- You were intoxicated.
- Thank you.

294
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,745
I blame Penny.

295
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:39,308
I blame Penny too. Bad Penny.

296
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:43,448
Wait a minute, what are you talking
about? What inappropriate behavior?

297
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,751
- I think it's best that you not know.
- Agreed.

298
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,450
Agreed.

299
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,153
What the hell, agreed.

300
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:55,630
And I want you to take very good care
of this young woman.

301
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:59,331
- Aw. Thank you, Beverly.
- You're welcome.

302
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:02,303
She doesn't have much
in the way of career prospects.

303
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,342
Don't make her responsible
for her own orgasms as well.

304
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:12,173
Remember when I was complaining that
you don't communicate with me enough?

305
00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:15,184
- Yes, dear.
- I'm over it.

306
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:20,657
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.