1
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:07,830
All right, Raj has played
his Phantom Warlord card...

2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:12,843
...and I am going to back him up
with my Strangling Vines.

3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,042
Choke on that, sucker.

4
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:21,350
Okay. Well, then I'll just cut your vines
with my Ruby Sword.

5
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:25,219
That's right, I did it. I cut them.

6
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,255
Um...

7
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,089
I have a question.

8
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:34,522
Warlord beats troll, troll beats elf,
elf beats water sprite...

9
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:38,660
...and basically everything beats
Enchanted Bunny.

10
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,737
Unless you have the Carrot of Power.

11
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,870
Okay, I've got another question.

12
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,909
When does this get fun?

13
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:50,840
Are we gonna talk or are we gonna play
Mystic Warlords of Ka-ah?

14
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,111
Just play a potion card.

15
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,549
Which one?

16
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,747
It doesn't matter,
you can't possibly win.

17
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,358
- Don't ruin the game.
- How could he ruin the game?

18
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:04,361
Given the cards already played, Penny can
only be holding Necromancer Potions...

19
00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:07,432
...which are only effective against
wraiths and daywalkers...

20
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,900
...and there are no more left.
The cards remaining in the stack are:

21
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,563
Four fire weapons, a troll,
two ogres and the Jewel of Osiris.

22
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,876
See? Ruined.

23
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,743
Sheldon, that is incredible.

24
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,946
From your vantage point,
it certainly must seem so.

25
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,142
Sheldon has kind of
a photographic memory.

26
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,981
"Photographic" is a misnomer.

27
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,953
I have an eidetic memory,
as I've told you many times.

28
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:35,083
Most recently last year during lunch
on the afternoon of May 7th.

29
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,762
You had turkey
and complained it was dry.

30
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,593
Well, I guess game's over.

31
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,564
Really? Oh, great.

32
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,000
I mean, aww...

33
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,803
- Okay, I gotta go.
- Why?

34
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:53,413
Because last time I didn't go,
I ended up playing Mystic Warlords of Ka.

35
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:56,140
Not "Ka." Ka-ah.

36
00:01:56,817 --> 00:02:00,412
- Bye.
- See you.

37
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,181
Still can't believe
she's going out with me.

38
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,916
Nobody can.

39
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,861
That reminds me,
I have a bone to pick with you.

40
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,089
- What?
- You and I made a pact...

41
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,756
...that if either of us
ever got a hot girlfriend...

42
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,960
...that person
would have his girlfriend...

43
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,662
...hook the other guy up
with one of her girlfriends.

44
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,773
- Yeah, I don't remember that.
- Wha...?

45
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,137
June 30th, 2004.

46
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,475
<i>Opening day of Spider-Man 2
at the AMC Pasadena.</i>

47
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:31,345
They only had red ICEES, no blue.

48
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:32,609
Oh, yeah.

49
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,482
Yeah, you've been with Penny
for like a month and a half.

50
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,851
Where's my shorty, Morty?

51
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,493
Howard, you can't hold me to that.

52
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,526
- Why not?
- When I made that agreement...

53
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:46,996
...I didn't think I'd ever have a girlfriend,
and I was positive you never would.

54
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:51,331
- How come I wasn't part of this deal?
- You had left the refreshment stand...

55
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:55,908
...in order to indulge in your customary
preemptive pre-show urination.

56
00:02:56,343 --> 00:03:00,871
So that's how it works? I have a teeny
bladder and I don't get a hot girlfriend?

57
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:04,017
Yeah, Raj, that's how it works.

58
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,415
Damn.

59
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,079
Oh, damn it. Can I have a napkin?

60
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,843
I'm sorry, no.

61
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,349
But you have a whole bunch of them.

62
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,887
Yes, I've moved
to a four-napkin system.

63
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,515
Lap, hands, face
and personal emergency.

64
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,857
If you like, starting tomorrow
I'll add a guest napkin...

65
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:55,297
...but I'm afraid
there's nothing I can do for you today.

66
00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,971
Good luck. That's the face napkin.

67
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,940
- So have you talked to Penny yet?
- No, I haven't.

68
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,138
- Why not?
- Because I've been busy.

69
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,783
Because I haven't figured out a way
to bring it up.

70
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,283
And mostly,
and I can't stress how key this is...

71
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:15,751
...because I don't want to.

72
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,755
A pact is a pact.
You have to get Penny to fix me up.

73
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,223
It's not that simple.
What am I supposed to say?

74
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:24,761
"Penny, you have any friends
you'd like to never hear from again?"

75
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:30,892
Come on. I'm smart, I have a good job.
And I have only 3 percent body fat.

76
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:35,007
It's true. I've seen him at the beach.
He's like a human chicken wing.

77
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,508
Leonard, come on.

78
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:40,840
- Fine, I'll ask if she has a friend for you.
- A hot friend.

79
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,642
- Right.
- And tall.

80
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:46,513
I want our kids to be able to ride
Space Mountain before they're 20.

81
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,950
I'll see what I can do.

82
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,079
Hey, guess what I heard today.

83
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,690
I'd imagine you heard
any number of things today.

84
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,158
When you arrived at work,
you undoubtedly heard:

85
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:57,591
"Hello. How are you, Raj?"

86
00:04:57,764 --> 00:05:00,324
You're wearing a new sweater vest,
you may have heard:

87
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:04,300
"New sweater vest?" And possibly,
though less likely, "Nice sweater vest."

88
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,268
Why don't I just tell you
what I heard today?

89
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,034
That would probably save us
some time.

90
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:12,311
Saturday night
at the comic-book store...

91
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:16,540
...they're having a Mystic Warlords
of Ka-ah tournament. First prize is $500.

92
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,276
- If we team up, we'd be unstoppable.
- I'm sorry, Raj.

93
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:22,717
I have no interest in playing a game
in which I find no challenge.

94
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,119
- But what about the money?
- I have money.

95
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,850
But this is other money.

96
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,295
How does it differ
from the money I have?

97
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,495
Half of it will be mine.

98
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,899
Do you need it
to buy a less disturbing sweater vest?

99
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,631
- Leonard, help.
- Are you kidding?

100
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:43,537
I couldn't even talk him into giving me
one of his freaking napkins.

101
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:50,815
Wow, you really are a genius.

102
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:55,814
Not really. I Googled how to do that.

103
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,721
So listen...

104
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,687
Have you ever made a pact
with someone?

105
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,492
You mean like a pinky swear?

106
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,668
Okay, fine. Like a pinky swear.

107
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:16,002
In the first grade, my friend Rosie and I
made a pact to marry Bert and Ernie.

108
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,504
<i>- You know, from Sesame Street.
- I'm familiar with Bert and Ernie.</i>

109
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,510
Then we found out
we both wanted Ernie.

110
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,242
We didn't speak again
till middle school.

111
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,045
Over puppets?

112
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,383
The heart wants what the heart wants,
Leonard.

113
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,115
Okay.

114
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:35,424
Speaking of what the heart wants, um...

115
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:40,897
...a long time ago I made a pact
with Wolowitz that kind of involves you.

116
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,739
Okay, I don't know
where you're going with this...

117
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:58,146
...but tread carefully because it may be
the last conversation we ever have.

118
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,876
No, no, nothing like that.

119
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:04,387
No, the deal was that
if either of us ever got a girlfriend...

120
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:07,549
...we'd have her fix the other one up
with one of her friends.

121
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:10,992
You thought a good time to bring this up
would be right after sex?

122
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:15,897
Well, I sure as hell wasn't gonna
bring it up before sex.

123
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,964
And during I was trying to remember
what I read on Google, so...

124
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,237
I'm not hooking Wolowitz up
with my friends.

125
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:29,314
Come on,
it doesn't have to be a good friend.

126
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,011
And you know that deep down inside,
Howard's a really nice guy.

127
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:39,022
The problem isn't what's on the inside.
It's the creepy candy coating.

128
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:43,257
Will you at least think about it?

129
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,954
Just as a favor to me?

130
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,502
The great thing about Ernie
was he never asked me for anything.

131
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:54,634
He just gave.

132
00:07:56,509 --> 00:08:01,537
Got it. Got it. Got it.

133
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:04,816
<i>Betty and Veronica. Oh.</i>

134
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,318
Hey, Sheldon, the new Green Lantern
figurine's coming in tomorrow.

135
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,719
- Want me to set one aside for you?
- Thank you.

136
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:15,224
You just robbed me of the opportunity
to stumble upon the figurine...

137
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:20,059
...and make the oh-so-satisfying journey
from discovery to desire to possession.

138
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,531
- All right, I won't.
- But I must have it.

139
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:25,068
- Okay, I'll set one aside for you.
- Thank you.

140
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:29,404
I can buy all these things online.
I come here for the personal service.

141
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:36,141
Stuart, is the Wil Wheaton signed up
for the Mystic Warlords Tournament...

142
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,079
<i>...the Wil Wheaton from Star Trek?</i>

143
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,344
Yeah, he lives around here. Big gamer.

144
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,512
Excuse me,
are you saying that Wil Wheaton...

145
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:47,319
<i>...a.k.a. Ensign Wesley Crusher
on Star Trek: The Next Generation...</i>

146
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,428
...is participating in your tournament?

147
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:53,726
I'm sorry, did I rob you of the opportunity
to stumble onto that for yourself?

148
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:58,537
No, wait, you don't understand.
Growing up, I idolized Wil Wheaton.

149
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,902
You know, Wesley Crusher
had an eidetic memory just like me.

150
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,737
Oh, what a coincidence.
You can discuss that with him...

151
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:07,072
...while playing in the tournament.
Sign here.

152
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:11,206
Yeah, I was such a fan that in 1995
I traveled 10 hours by bus...

153
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,875
...to a sci-fi convention
in Jackson, Mississippi...

154
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,454
...wearing my Starfleet Academy
cadet uniform...

155
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:19,285
...in order to meet Wil Wheaton
and get him to autograph...

156
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,121
...my mint-in-package
Wesley Crusher action figure.

157
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:25,597
Oh, it'll be like a reunion then.
Sign here.

158
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:28,700
Yeah, my arduous journey, however,
was for naught.

159
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,462
Although advertised to appear,
he did not show up.

160
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:35,369
It was at that moment
I vowed eternal hatred for Wil Wheaton.

161
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:39,107
Okay, great,
you can tell him you hate him. Sign here.

162
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,715
It might interest you to know
that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth...

163
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:46,443
...on my all-time enemies list, right
between director Joel Schumacher...

164
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:49,281
<i>...who nearly destroyed
the Batman movie franchise...</i>

165
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,152
...and Billy Sparks,
who lived down the street from me...

166
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,657
...and put dog poop
on the handles of my bicycle.

167
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,921
Okay, I get it. He's a bad guy.
Sign here.

168
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:01,431
<i>In the words of Khan Noonien Singh
in the immortal Wrath of Khan:</i>

169
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:06,402
"He tasks me.
He tasks me and I shall have him."

170
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:11,169
- No doubt. Sign here.
- "From hell's heart, I stab at thee."

171
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,915
All right, Raj.
Looks like you're teamed up with...

172
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,142
..."Die, Wil Wheaton, die."

173
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:28,354
So tell me more
about the future mother of my children.

174
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:32,494
She's adorable, Howard.
I think you'll like her.

175
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,030
Great.

176
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:37,030
What did you tell her about me?
Did you mention body fat?

177
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,770
No, I thought
that'd be a nice surprise for her.

178
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,932
Good, good.

179
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:49,670
I told her you're an aerospace engineer,
you speak five languages...

180
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:51,373
Six, if you count Klingon.

181
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,177
Girls don't count Klingon, Howard.

182
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,015
- Right?
- Right.

183
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:01,293
And I told her you have
an unhealthy attachment to your mother.

184
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,452
- What?
- I'm kidding.

185
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:07,362
Another delightful surprise for her.

186
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,396
Sheldon, it's your play.

187
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,237
Sheldon.

188
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,709
My Enchanted Troll bludgeons
your Screaming Harpy...

189
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,404
...with a Cursed Mace. Game.

190
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,644
Sorry, boys. Say hi to your mother
when she picks you up.

191
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,584
Or I could just tell her later tonight.
Ha-ha-ha.

192
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,753
We pawned them, dude. Up top.

193
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,088
Look at him.

194
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:40,093
Wil Wheaton, my old friend.

195
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,757
I have chased you
around the moons of Nibia...

196
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:47,396
...and around the Antares Maelstrom,
and around Perdition's flames.

197
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:50,766
<i>You keep quoting Wrath of Khan,
but he was in Next Generation.</i>

198
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:54,436
- It's a totally different set of characters.
- Silence.

199
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:58,178
How much longer must I wait
for my revenge?

200
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,444
If Wil Wheaton
and Stuart win their match...

201
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:04,283
...and we beat Lonely Larry and
Captain Sweatpants in the next round...

202
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,252
...we'll face off for championship.

203
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:13,025
So my path to satisfaction is blocked
by Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants.

204
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,801
Very well, they must be destroyed.

205
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,804
Dude, you have to stop talking like that.
It's really lame.

206
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,942
Silence.

207
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,314
So Penny tells me
you're working as a waitress...

208
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,975
...to put yourself through grad school.
That's great.

209
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:36,314
- What are you studying?
- Microbiology.

210
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:41,158
Oh, cool. So you could study me.

211
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,152
I don't understand.

212
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:47,831
Microbiology is the study
of tiny living things.

213
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,894
I know, I'm studying it.

214
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:57,976
Yeah, and I said you could study me
because I'm a tiny living thing.

215
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:02,678
- It's a joke.
- Are you sure?

216
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,512
- Do you like science fiction?
- No.

217
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,748
- Role-playing games?
- Like in the bedroom...

218
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:13,653
...or like Dungeons and Dragons?

219
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,021
- Either.
- No.

220
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,930
- You like...?
- It's gonna be a long night.

221
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:25,969
- Yeah, well, it's your fault.
- I had to ask, you didn't have to say yes.

222
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,531
You like magic?

223
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:31,268
- Not really.
- Okay.

224
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,944
Long, long night.

225
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:43,122
I play my Endless Serpent,
Raj will play Ecstatic Frenzy...

226
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,883
...which means Larry
will have to play Chaos Overlord.

227
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,890
Then Captain Sweatpants,
Molten River.

228
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:51,189
I play Nightshade Dryad.
Game, set and match.

229
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:57,725
Now fetch me Wil Wheaton.

230
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:10,075
Did that guy just say, "Revenge is a dish
best served cold," in Klingon?

231
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:12,240
I believe so.

232
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,750
What is wrong with him?

233
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:18,413
Everyone has a different theory.

234
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:26,227
How about computers?
You like computers?

235
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,061
I use them. I don't like them.

236
00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:34,930
Okay. Puppies.
Where do you stand on puppies?

237
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,274
A puppy once bit my face.

238
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:39,911
Of course it did.

239
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:43,174
- How about that? Einstein was wrong.
- What?

240
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:47,683
Approaching the speed of light doesn't
slow down time, approaching them does.

241
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:51,956
Excuse me.

242
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,888
Oh, damn. It's my mother.

243
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,187
- Are you going to answer it?
- I'm torn.

244
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:59,695
She might be dying and, you know,
wouldn't want to miss that.

245
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:06,371
On other hand, if let it go to voicemail,
I could play it over and over.

246
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,567
I know how you feel.
My mother makes me crazy.

247
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,304
Yeah, not as crazy
as my mother makes me.

248
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,914
Yeah? Does your mother call you
every day at work...

249
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,313
...to see if you've had a healthy lunch?

250
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:23,319
My mother calls me at work to see
if I had a healthy bowel movement.

251
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,594
Okay, does she lay out your clothes
for you in the morning...

252
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,094
...like you're 9 years old?

253
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:36,393
- You live with your mother?
- No. That's the sad part.

254
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,833
Rough. Okay, check this out.

255
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,600
My mother made me wear rubber gloves
to kindergarten...

256
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,903
...so I wouldn't pick up a disease
from the other children.

257
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:48,273
That's nothing.
I couldn't ride a bicycle...

258
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,917
...because my mother was afraid
I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.

259
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:55,249
Oh, wow, you didn't, did you?

260
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,947
Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.

261
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:02,992
A Corolla.

262
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,089
- More wine?
- I'd love some.

263
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,859
Listen, you have to come
to Shabbat dinner at my house sometime.

264
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,094
Why?

265
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:14,000
A Catholic girl like you
wearing a big cross like that...

266
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:17,836
...might just give my mother the big
brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

267
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:25,181
Okay, but only if you come to Sunday
dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.

268
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,483
It's a date.

269
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,116
Am I a matchmaker or what?

270
00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:39,055
Lava Serpent.

271
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,161
Nest of Snakes.

272
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,967
- Underworld Guardian.
- Underworld Guardian.

273
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,034
We skirmish to the death.

274
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,009
- Invisibility Spell.
- Luminescence Spell.

275
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,174
- Water nymph.
- Fire demon.

276
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,378
- Two-headed tiger.
- Three-headed lion.

277
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,487
- Sulfur.
- Brimstone.

278
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,325
Problem, Wil Wheaton?

279
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:12,989
Hang on.

280
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:17,033
You're holding two moderate spell cards,
a Small Rock and a Potion of Zancor...

281
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:21,071
...which will be as much help as an
air conditioner on the ice planet Hoth.

282
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,172
Your only move is to play the potion,
lose the skirmish...

283
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,573
...and two moves later, the game.

284
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:33,049
- I think he's got me.
- The year was 1995.

285
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,011
The place, Jackson, Mississippi.

286
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,688
Having spent 10 hours on a bus...

287
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,794
...during which I had
to twice violate my personal rule...

288
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:46,362
...against relieving myself
onboard a moving vehicle...

289
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,236
...I finally arrived at the
Fourth Annual Dixie Trek Convention...

290
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:55,101
...only to find that my idol,
Wil Wheaton...

291
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:59,711
...decided he had better things to do
than show up and sign my action figure.

292
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,050
What?

293
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,820
You betrayed me, Wil Wheaton.

294
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:13,424
Now I have my revenge.

295
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,261
You went to the '95 Dixie Trek?

296
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:25,229
Oh, dude, my grandmother had just died,
and I had to go to her funeral.

297
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,108
Your memaw died?

298
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,336
That's terrible.

299
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,503
Yeah. It was.

300
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:38,809
But I'm really sorry
that I disappointed you.

301
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,578
No, no, I understand.

302
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:45,416
If anything happened to my memaw,
I'd be one inconsolable Moon Pie.

303
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:51,820
I should clarify that statement
by explaining that she calls me Moon Pie.

304
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,261
It's a special relationship, isn't it?
Between a boy and his grandmother.

305
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,834
- Oh, yes.
- Yeah, okay.

306
00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:00,097
Okay, great,
everybody loves their grandmas.

307
00:19:00,272 --> 00:19:03,605
Now, come on, Sheldon,
finish him off.

308
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,203
Yeah. It's okay, Sheldon.
I let you down.

309
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,210
I deserve it.

310
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,712
Potion of Zancor.

311
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,882
What are you waiting for?

312
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:19,353
Kill Wil Wheaton.
From hell's heart, stab at him.

313
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:26,126
- I can't.
- Sure you can. Do it. Do it.

314
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:28,333
No.

315
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:33,461
I came here to defeat Wil Wheaton,
the man who destroyed my dreams.

316
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:39,009
But I can't defeat Wil Wheaton,
the man who loved his memaw.

317
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:45,649
- Enchanted Bunny.
- No!

318
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:48,685
Not Enchanted Bunny!

319
00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:52,156
I call my memaw "nana."

320
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,391
And she's gonna be very happy
to hear...

321
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:58,724
...that my Small Rock
kills your Enchanted Bunny.

322
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:03,491
Game over, Moon Pie.

323
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:10,501
I don't understand.
Your grandmother's alive?

324
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:12,268
Oh, you catch on quick.

325
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:16,177
Come on, Stewie,
let's get our prize money.

326
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:19,912
That was fun.

327
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,187
Wheaton!

328
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:38,694
Wheaton!